Is Adrien Brody Si-Si-Si-SINGLE?!

Stick a taser gun up my ass, because I think it's about to go crazy at the thought of Adrien Brody being back on the market! Star Magazine (via Celebitchy) says that Adrien's SLUT girlfriend of two years, Elsa Pataky, left his precious Afghan Hound heart broken after she quit him for Olivier Martinez. I'm not posting Elsa's picture here, because I don't want that skank tramp defacing this site with her whore bag mug!

A source tells the magazine that Elsa wasn't ready to settle down, so Adrien, being the caring soul that he is, released her back into the world hoping that one day she would fly back into his heart. But instead that low-rent trollop flew right into Olivier Martinez's buttery skin baguette and she's been down there ever since. The source said that Elsa and Olivier are even hunting for a whore den to share in Paris.

I just knew there was something off about that skank Elsa! Tacky Pataky is what she should go by from now. How dare that harlot do that to my gorgeous Adrien? After all he's done for her! Adrien needs comforting, doesn't he? Come here, Adrien. Nuzzle your succulent nose in my no-no. It will be safe there. Well, not really, because I had Mexican for lunch. SUCIO! There I go again.

But seriously, Tacky Pataky better watch it! If I ever see her big ass whore face around these parts, I'm gonna finally put those razors I keep in my hair (chola's secret) to good use. THAT BITCH!