Jim Carrey Is A Pepaw

Jim Carrey's daughter Jane gave birth to a baby friend of the male variety in Los Angeles last night. This is Jane's first kid with her musician husband Alex Santana (no relation to Carlos, I tink). People has the details:
Jane and husband Alex Santana welcomed their first child, son Jackson Riley Santana, at 12:28 a.m. Friday in Los Angeles, PEOPLE confirms. He weighed in at 7 lbs., 11 oz, and measured 20 inches long.

Granpappy Jim also Tweeted the first picture of his grandchild, and Jackson sure does look like a newborn baby.

To anybody who saw Ace Ventura in the theaters, the news of Jim Carrey becoming a grandfather will probably make you feel old. AND YOU ARE! Your sciatica doesn't hurt because you went a little overboard at that anal sex key party last night. It's because YOU ARE OLD! You didn't fall asleep 5-minutes into Law & Order the other night, because the new kind of weed you're trying out gives you the sleepies. It's because YOU ARE OLD!

Yes, we'll all be checking into retirement communities soon. Actually, that's not such a bad idea, because those old geezers really know how to party. It's just like college, but with more prescription meds. And you don't have to worry about your one-night stand getting all clingy afterwards. There's a 100% chance that your one-night stand at the retirement community won't even remember who are you in the morning. See you there!